sorry babe, but this has just really hard for me. i'm in between a rock and a hard place. i love you soooo much, so of course i want you out there. and of course i want you having the time of your life. so of course i don't want you to be worried about me or sad. but i just don't know what to do baby, you're the one i talk to you know? i just hate these fucking calling cards, i hate how difficult it is to talk to you and how its gonna cost money every time i run out. i'm just so stressed and sad. and its so hard to know what you're doing. we only get to talk for a little while, barely enough time to hear about your day, and it just seems like there's stuff you leave out and i don't get to tell you about mine. and while the days are flying by for you, i can't tell you how long one hour is here for me. especially if i'm home alone.
i just wish i didn't run out of time tonight. it leaves my head wondering so much shit, and i asked you to call me back but you didn't, so i grabbed my board and ran as fast as i could to the gas station, cuz they stop selling calling cards at 10 for some fucking reason and it was 930 already. so i booked it by my self and got there at 945 but the dude told me they weren't selling them. i know he just didn't know how to do it though. i was so pissed off. so of course the trip back i was so upset and mad, cuz i just wanted to call you back to say good bye or something you know? and i couldn't. and i hate it soooo much baby.
it's just so hard. its hard for me to know whats going on there, and i think you might forget that i have no idea of anything over there. i don't know anyone or any places. and it sucks.
of course i don't care about the kid who was nice to you and stopped the guys from taking pictures of you, but you don't know what it does to me to hear shit like that. first i hate the fact that people are out there trying to take pictures of you. and second i hate that i can't be me to protect you. that hurts so much. and i know it shouldn't and i know i should just be happy someone is being nice and sticking up for you, so i'm sorry it upsets me. but you know how bad i want to be a "hero" and somewhere deep in me, i'm afraid someone else will be your hero and i won't be there. and that almost brings me to tears. it just scares me. i just want to be there with you baby. its not fair. i just miss you soo much baby. i don't want to hear anything bad happening to you. but please don't keep anything from me ok. just tell me everything. i just want to be your hero. i don't want to know that i wasn't there. please just be careful baby.
i'm sorry baby. i'm soo sorry. i just want to hug you right now. i can't explain how bad i miss you.
i love you.
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