we're getting so old

so its 5 in the morning now, i'm very tired, and i love and miss you a lot. i went to chris's house for his birthday, and i had a lot of fun. i was a little hesitant at first because i didn't know what to expect, but it was i had a really good time. it was weird. when me and evan got there we were just in time for cake...YESSSSS. and chris was just like really hyper. i think he was excited to drink and to know what was gonna happen if he got drunk. so things started off slow. they did sort of make me feel excluded now and then when was evan was around. but eventually it went away. first of all, evan told the twins that i always get chris a banana and a brown crayon for his birthday. and its been an inside thing between the two of us for years. but of course they give him a brown marker and a banana, and i was trying to tell evan how its fucked up, just because they're definitely intruding. and it pissed me off because they didn't care that it bothered me. but whatever, it was bullshit. but we eventually started playing beer pong which was a lot of fun, because they all just play with water. so nobody was actually drinking when they lost so it was just more of a competitive thing. at one point i started betting "ghost money" like just imaginary money. but then it caught on. and everyone was betting ghost money, and the stakes got pretty high. me and chris's brother dave were on a team and had this really epic match against his older brother and his friend. it was awesome, it came down to one cup, i hit it and we went into over time. and then we won. it felt really good. and then we lost to chris's girlfriend and they're brother's girlfriend. so then someone thought it'd be smart to bet real money. and at one point it was the game of the night. me and dave vs evan and chris, again it was down to ONE CUP. and all together, there was 14 dollars ridding on the game. and me and dave won! it was awesome. i made 4 dollars out of it.  but i gave one to dave. and then they started rolling dice for money, so i thought fuck it, i'll try. and of course i rolled the lowest possible amount and lost. and evan won. and then i gave a dollar to chris's brother nick. he lost it. but paid me back, so i thought fuck it again, i'll try one more and gave chris my last dollar. so this was it. my last dollar. and everyone was playing. so there was 7 or 8 dollars up for grabs, just to roll dice. and evan rolls a 4,5,6. which drum roll please.......is an automatic win. so i didn't even get to roll. he won all the money just like that. and i watched him keep playing and he was up like 20 dollars at one point i think. it pissed me off so much, because its a game of complete luck. and he always fucking wins and i never do. i thought since i was being nice and giving chris and his brother a dollar, karma would pay me back but no. its so annoying, i hate evan's luck,  but i hate mine more. but anyway chris had like 5 or 6 beers by this point, and it was hitting him hard all of a sudden. and it was the first time he was drunk. he kept being like dude, i really respect you. and i'm sorry, like i didn't know if you'd be ok with this and all that. and i just kept telling him it was fine. but it was nice of him, and just really weird. he was definitely the last one any of us would ever think to see drunk. and he was always so against it. so it was just really weird. and it was just weird to feel like we were growing up. but he was soooooo funny at this point. i took so many videos on my phone of him. cuz he would just laugh at everything. and point a lot. and say "you know what i mean" like every other word. it was really fun. and i talked to his brothers a good amount, and didn't feel like i was left out really. and we took a lot of pictures. we took a lot of pictures of all of us flexing. it was funny and alllitttle bit gay, but fun. haha. but seeing nick and his girlfriend, and chris and his girlfriend. i missed you so much baby. and his little brother drove me home, and it might be just because its so late, but i really miss you. and thinking about how long its gonna be kills me baby. i really just wish you could come home tomorrow. i want to sleep with you and just hold you and kiss you. and i just want to be in your company. i hope you have a good day, and can't wait to see and talk to you again baby. miss you. love you. kiss kiss.