but anyway, today was ok. the twins got the new halo game yesterday so they were up all night playing it, and i wanted to go to bed at like 12 but they were playing it until like 3:30. and they were in the living room so i couldn't sleep until they were done. and dick evan just shut his door and went to bed a lot earlier so i couldn't go in there to sleep on his floor. i swear he thinks about only him self wayyy too much. my plan was to catch an early bus and just get home and talk to you with out any of their distractions. but evan went to class, and the twins were gonna go to the gym, so i decided to go with them. keep in mind no one offered me food. so i was starving, but i don't want to miss out on chances to work out so i went with them. i wanted to eat like a sandwich before but they were in such a rush and i can't get in with out them. so we went, and i worked out my chest and triceps. tried working out my abs but i was so hungry it hurt way to much. but when we were there, there was this guy being like a personal trainer for i'm guessing his girlfriend. it made me miss you a lot and want to go to the gym with you. it was an o.k. workout, but the twins are always in such a rush. so i decided to just take my time, and that's why i ended up missing my first bus. and then they were supposed to go with evan to the campus center to get food. but evan came back to the room and they had an argument, because they can't do anything with out him, and he secretly loves the power of that. but i was starving so i finally made a peanut butter and fluff sandwich, and they finally went to the campus center. got food and didn't offer me any. i was always taught how rude it was to eat in front of people. it was just kind of annoying. i was happy to finally leave. i sorta want to just stop going there for a while but its hard because i have no where else to go it feels like. i'm just always struggling to find people who really understand me. thats why i have a hard time with you being gone. because a lot of times it feels like you are the only one who gets me. or thats why i love going to boston too. and it was so nice of you to give me that money. i wish i never bought those calling cards. and i always just feel like i'm stuck in between everything. i do want to get a job, but i'm afraid then i won't be able to go to boston. and i still haven't given up on italy either. and i want to go to boston now, but evan says we need all this time to practice for a show that if you keep reading you'll see. but if i don't go i feel like i'm stuck in my room jail cell until then. i'm just very lonely without you. i wish soooooo much that i could be in italy with you. i wish i could have gone on the trip with you. i could have had my own apartment, and just walk to yours every day. and we could share the same friends and all go out together. and we could dance together at the clubs. and sleep together. and go on crazy trips and see all the beautiful things together. and go on a cruise, and it'd feel like living a fairy tale. it makes me tear up just thinking about how bad i wish that. but thats not how it worked out. but dave finally brought me home, and i talked to you almost as soon as i walked in the door.
but after we talked, i grabbed my board and went around the neighborhood for a while. it was dark again and kind of scary. but it was ok. i went all the way to latham ridge and back. it just helps. i talked to evan a little off and on about the twins friend's party in buffalo. he's putting a lot of pressure on us to play his party. but evan really doesn't want to because it's so far away. i'm fine either way, but i'm kind of leaning to not playing because of how far away it is too. but in better news, john alund called evan and said there's this thing at st. rose called rocktober. and its they're like fall music event. and he said they had a meeting today about who should play it. and he said he threw our name out there, played a.l.o.n.e. and they absolutely loved it. so we're playing at st. rose's music event. it might be outside! and i think we're gonna have a big stage. and we're not opening. we actually are playing later on. there might be like hundreds of kids... hopefully. but i'm really not sure what to expect. but the people who are head lining are called railbird. and they're actually opening up for phantoram in boston on the 22nd. i'm really excited and really nervous. its only in 3 weeks! i wish you could be here baby, i really do. even the muddy cup was hard without you cheering me on. and i hope you are proud of me for getting up there by myself and doing some hip hop, that the crowd wasn't ready for. so you know if i'm on a real stage, i'm just gonna be looking out into the crowd wishing so much it was you i was looking at.
and now i'm here, 1:30 in the morning wishing i could talk to you again. thats why i wrote so much. sorry you have to read this plus my post from earlier today, and the one from yesterday. but it just helps and thats why we made this blog right? i also stubbled a lot wasting time. i found this one thing that said some scientist made this song, that has subliminal sounds in it, that make women's brains think of children and their breast fill, and can become a whole inch bigger from just listening to it everyday. i'll have to find it and send it to you.
jk, you are beautiful and sexy the way you are. STRONG SEXY CONFIDENT
i love you abby ruby. always and forever.
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