my day

i woke up at like 1, already thinking about my show. i went online for a little and talked to evan and chris to try to get my mind off of things. i kept checking skype on facebook and the blog every once in a while, just to see if maybe you wrote something. i was really missing you and couldn't stop thinking about you. but i was hoping you were having an amazing time. i was starving, but didn't know what to eat, and my mom wanted me to do the dishes before i left for my show. so i just put on my set list while i did them. it took like an hour and a half to do them! but probably because i was trying to practice at the same time. but i finally finished. i messed up a lot of my songs, so i was getting nervous. and there was nothing to eat either. so i settled with fluff and peanut butter again. so i ate that and then took a long long hot shower. wishing you were taking it with me. and i couldn't find my i love hip hop shirt, so i just wore a black tee under my jacket. and right before i was about to leave, i figured i'd check the blog again. and you wrote me good luck!!!! what a pleasant surprise. it made me happy. and it was pooring out and freeeeezing. i really thought it was gonna snow. dan actually said there was snow in the forcast! but anyway, so my mom brought me to the bus top. and i had to wait for so long cuz i got there early. it was unbearable it was so fucking cold. and i really had to piss,  but i kept thinking the bus would come as soon as i left, so i just held it. and i was misserable... but then my phone rang. and i was like who the hell is calling me right now. and it said ABBY ITALY NUMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i picked up so fast. i was in disbelief. i was so surprised. and sooo so happy. i wish you could have seen me smiling. thank you so much for calling baby. it was so nice. it was awesome to hear your voice. it gave me the confidence i needed for the show. and even though our conversation was under 2 minutes, it still made me feel a lot better. i feel better already about you being out there, cuz now i just need to get through tomorrow, and we'll be able to talk again sunday. i can't wait. but anyway, the bus finally came, and it was extremely crowded. so i had to stand with my bag and my board. and on top of that, i really really had to pee and the bus ride wasn't making it any easier. it got to the point where i was thinking about getting off at whatever the next stop was, cuz i thought i was gonna pee my pants hahaha. but i missed the four o'clock bus earlier, so i was taking the five o'clock bus. so it was already getting late, so i had to just ride it out. luckily i made it, but boy i was getting really scared. i was hoping maybe it'd down poor so no one would be able to tell if i peed my self. but i made it ok. i got to evans probably around 6, and they were still making dinner. and i just figured i'd have to be at the place by 630. but of course they were taking forever, and the twins were trying to figure out how'd they still be able to make it out to the bar, and everyone was taking their sweet time, while i was nervous and didn't want to be late. but we finally left. i got there kind of late, but it didn't matter cuz no one was there. which also made me kind of worried, cuz there was like 5 people there. but it turned out i was going on second after all so it was no problem what time i got there really. especially cuz they kept holding out til more people got there. and the twins were getting restless, and can you believe tim made a mixed drink to bring? and then once they found out i wasn't going on til later, they begged evan to bring them to chubbys. how dumb. and evan finally gave in and brought them. it was so stupid. i was kind of offended. like you have to drink to enjoy me? so they went for like litterally 20min. they almost missed me. but dan got there at the same time, so i was chilling with him while they left. and then my brother and his friend chris showed up. which was really cool. and then finally the first rapper got there. he was a lanky spanish kid. kind of weird looking. the show finally started. and i could tell he was kind of a dick just from the way he was talking. but he did a song or two, and he had like creative lines, but no stage presence. and no heart in it. so wasn't that entertaining. but then he had like a jazz band go up with him at the end, and they were sick. i almost wish it was just them up there. one guy played the sax amazingly. and then the dude was like aight thats it. and started getting off stage, and his band mates were like uhhh no we still have aother one. and he was like oh yeah, well i guess thats what you get when you smoke a joint before your show. and was just really annoying and stupid. like how could you forget you still had another song? and then he was done. and i was gonna talk to him, but he just walked out, i didn't even see him leave. but i was kind of pissed he wasn't even gonna stick around. but so it was my turn now, and i was about to get on stage and i heard someone whisper my name. and i turn around and tom and katie are standing there! even though they said they were coming i wasn't really positive they'd make it. so i was really surprised, and really really really appreciated. i was like in awe. i gave them both big hugs. and couldn't believe they came down just for me! it was so so so nice of them. i talked to them for a little and then got on stage. the way i set up my set, is that it has sound clips between every song. so it just flows to the next one. so i never paused the music, i'd just let it run. and i was really nervous, but i hit play. and went at it. i opened with must be something in the water. i think they liked it. and i just kept going. i had little fuck ups here and there, but only things that i cought. like i was supposed to say the rhyme spitter, the stoop sitter, but i know i fucked up and said the stoop shitter. and i laughed cuz i noticed it and it was really funny. but no one else noticed. and i got through my new songs pretty good. i never had to be like fuck, and stop. and thats what i wanted. and i got a good response from the crowd. and i sat like on the edge of the stage for one song. it was cool and intimate. and my brother filmed the whole thing! i'll show you videos as soon as i can. and i finished, and it was a good feeling. i got off and talked to everyone and they all said i did really good. katie and tom were so nice. they said i was amazing. and nolly's friend chris gave me a hug, and was like dude you were awesome. the difference from you and the first kid was you had heart. and you could really really tell. and it was one of the best compliments i've heard. then there was just a kid sort of DJing after. he seemed really cool, but tom and kaite wanted to head out. i couldn't believe they were going back to new paltz. they drove down to see me just for like an hour. just to drive back an hour and a half. i kept telling them whatever they wanted to do i would do. but they said they had to get back, so i walked them to their car and we just stood around for a good while and talked. it was really cool. i felt like i had like my full personality out too. i was so happy they were there. but they left, and me evan and dan came back to the dorm, played some halo, and then tim and his girl came back, and we hung out with them. and i talked to jessie for a bit which was really good. but one weird thing was my balls hurt reallllllly reallly bad when i got off stage. almost like i had blue balls. jessie said thats reall love right there. haha i love hip hop so much it gave me blue balls. but it was weird, for like hours after they hurt. and then gene came back from some chicks place that i guess he hooked up with. another stupid story i had to hear. and listen to gene and evan talk their stupid condesending asshole bull shit. sometimes i just hate to hear them talk. first of all it was a stupid story, but then he said she wasnt really that pretty. which then its like, why did you hook up with her then? but we looked at her pictures, and i thought she was a cute girl, but they are so fucking stuck up i guess, they kept being like naaaaaahhhh not realy bro. which pissed me off because they always think they're right with everything. like not that it bothered me about her, cuz i don't even know her but just the fact that they think they are such hot shit or something. and they're so judgemental. and just disrespectful. like i like to hear their stories just because i'm curious of what they did, but then i end up wishing i didn't ask. cuz it pisses me off how big of assholes they can be or how big of sluts the girls could be. and he was like she wasn't fat, but she wasn't skinny skinny. and i saw her picture and i was like dude what are you talking about, she's real skinny. and he was like uhh not really dude. they're dumb sometimes. that was the only thing that bothered me tonight though. that and just listening to evan half of the time. always making everything he talks about be like and diiiiiiiid you know blah blah blah. mostly shit that i don't care about, but he makes it sound like its the biggest fucking deal in the world, and if you didn't know then you're stupid. like he kept being like i can't believe joel takes 45 minutes to get to work because he has to take the train and it takes that long. and just shit that tries to make it sound like he knows so much about the city, and i almost get a vibe that he's almost jealous, so he tries to brag about other people to us. like joel's commute doesn't surprise me nor impress me. it just seems like something you have to do in the city. but evan make it sound like he was the first to hear about that. and then he goes on and on about how joel always worked so hard and all his jobs and blah blah and now he's a manager. which don't get me wrong i'm happy for him and proud. but evan always talked down about him before he moved to the city. cuz he dropped out of school and stuff. and i'm just rambling now cuz its 530 in the morning. but i wanted to let you know how everything went. and how i miss you so so so so much. and how no one ever compares to you, and its you i want to be hanging out with instead of everyone here. but i had a good show and i'm proud of my self for going through wiht it. and i wish you could have been here. can't wait to talk to you again baby. love you so much, hope you're having an amazing time, be safe. love you baby. bye. millions of kisses xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxxooxxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxooxoxoxoxo